At this stage of my life, sticky notes have become more of a necessity than a fun little pad for doodles. I have to remind myself to close open windows before going to bed for the night, leave a note in plain view so I will take laundry out of the washer before it rots and often times lately, I have to write my husband a little note displaying my affection for him because chances are that I will have forgotten the well-worded litany by the time I see him next. So, here I am today, basically writing down thoughts that I may wish to expound on later............................
It occurred to me last night that many people with addictions may also have some OCDs (obsessive compulsive disorders). I have been using some new methods to exercise my will and build my tolerance for abstinence by changing certain behaviors. Case in point: it is rare for a foodie like me to leave anything on her plate. Why leave one bite? "It's only one bite, just eat it so it doesn't have to be wasted" was a normal thought for me. To deal with this problem differently I would then have to throw the food out right away in order to banish it from my existence. You know, 'out of sight-out of mind'? Well, happily I have evolved to a new point in my exercise with food: leaving it sit before clearing the dishes. Yep. It sits. Right there, in front of me. Guess what? I don't hear it's taunting little voice anymore calling me to consume it. I can leave it there without fear and it feels pretty empowering to do so. Next step: choose proper serving sizes to begin with so there is no need for waste on my plate!
That is all for today since during the typing of the previous thought, the others left my mind. I should have written them down before writing them down! In the words of Homer Simpson, "D'OH!"
Monday, November 8, 2010
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
I QUIT!
I remember reading something somewhere about the costs of being healthy and how in many instances it is actually cheaper to make not so healthy choices. Fast food restaurants offer screaming deals and we all want the larger 'money saving' packages when we shop. We are used to "super sizing" and "economizing" and in the Christian Community we all are taught to be good stewards of our money. How many of us were cautioned to eat all our food because the children in China are starving? Are you a member of the 'clean plate club'? I am. Tonight, however, I quit!
A few weeks ago I made my way to a favorite steak restaurant, eager to feed my base need for meat. I ordered the usual 16oz piece of medium cooked ribeye complete with veggies, loaded baked potato and salad with bread. I happily ate the whole thing and then proceeded to impulsively indulge in the chocolate chip cookie dessert with vanilla ice cream. Yep, it was amazingly delicious and my book and I had an intimately lovely meal. I felt overly full but since it was a familiar feeling, I was happy. Tonight, the story presents a different scenario. Firstly, I have been 'working' the OA program a bit. I am trying to surrender to God my food issues. I have been looking at food differently and even altering what I put in my mouth a bit. I have not totally sacrificed my joy in food for this project but I do not handle food the same way.
Sizzler restaurants are hard to find but bring back good memories of tasty Malibu Chicken. I used to love their rice pilaf as well, but I digress. Tonight I took my current book companion and ordered the steak and chicken combo. I upgraded to the 8oz steak with Malibu chicken and a loaded baked potato. I also had mushrooms for my steak. I got the diet soda and complimentary salad and sat down to enjoy. I surprised myself by not piling my salad super high but only choosing a few extra items for my lettuce. When my main dish came I was excited to see the old cheese toast favorite from my past. Here is the good part of my story--I ate the salad, drank the soda, ate the toast and chicken. When it came time to eat the precious, slightly bloody and savory steak, I found myself to be FULL. Yep, I warred with the dilemma of getting my 'money's worth' or walking away. I walked away. This was my official resignation in the clean plate club.
And, guess what? I am still alive and well to tell the story!
A few weeks ago I made my way to a favorite steak restaurant, eager to feed my base need for meat. I ordered the usual 16oz piece of medium cooked ribeye complete with veggies, loaded baked potato and salad with bread. I happily ate the whole thing and then proceeded to impulsively indulge in the chocolate chip cookie dessert with vanilla ice cream. Yep, it was amazingly delicious and my book and I had an intimately lovely meal. I felt overly full but since it was a familiar feeling, I was happy. Tonight, the story presents a different scenario. Firstly, I have been 'working' the OA program a bit. I am trying to surrender to God my food issues. I have been looking at food differently and even altering what I put in my mouth a bit. I have not totally sacrificed my joy in food for this project but I do not handle food the same way.
Sizzler restaurants are hard to find but bring back good memories of tasty Malibu Chicken. I used to love their rice pilaf as well, but I digress. Tonight I took my current book companion and ordered the steak and chicken combo. I upgraded to the 8oz steak with Malibu chicken and a loaded baked potato. I also had mushrooms for my steak. I got the diet soda and complimentary salad and sat down to enjoy. I surprised myself by not piling my salad super high but only choosing a few extra items for my lettuce. When my main dish came I was excited to see the old cheese toast favorite from my past. Here is the good part of my story--I ate the salad, drank the soda, ate the toast and chicken. When it came time to eat the precious, slightly bloody and savory steak, I found myself to be FULL. Yep, I warred with the dilemma of getting my 'money's worth' or walking away. I walked away. This was my official resignation in the clean plate club.
And, guess what? I am still alive and well to tell the story!
Thursday, September 30, 2010
However long it takes to lose the weight is however long it takes!
The title of this post actually comes from the Overeaters Anonymous book of testimonies that were compiled by the founder as well as others who have been in the program since the 60's when it began. Interestingly enough, I have seen myself in many of the people whose stories I am reading. They have learned to ride the wave of their successes and failures, give their days over to God (as they understand Him) and be set free from the bondages that held them captive. I can feel the beginnings of this happening to me.
Let me give you an example of another time when this process was in action. Several years ago I was forced by my extreme guilt to confess to my darling hubby that I had secretly opened a charge account (AGAIN, as I'd done in the past) and the bill was coming the next day where he would find it. It was middle of the night, dark and we were laying in bed before sleeping. He was eerily silent after my confession and I asked him, "do you want to hit me or something?" and he admitted, "Yes, I do but I won't" and he then reached over and hugged me tenderly vowing to get me the help I would need. Miraculously, when I realized that I needed outside help, the desire to spend money secretly left! Along with this deliverance I was noticing a change in my heart attitude regarding our budgeting process.
Yearly our church gave a series of sermons on money; it's spiritual applications, the mindset of the believer and money (All I have is God's and He appoints me as manager of it), etc. and I would fight tooth and nail over having to 'conform' to such a ridiculous thing as a budget. Well, as the years went by, I became less and less obstinate about it and actually began embracing the idea. When I messed up financially, I had no guilt, relished the baby steps I was making and went on. To this day, I am still 'abstinent not perfect' (another quote from the OA book)!
So it is with the food 'thing'. My name is Lisa and I am a compulsive overeater. I have been abstinent for 8 days now (I slipped up last week and ate a dessert compulsively NOT because I was hungry). For the first time, I didn't beat myself up over this slip up, I didn't continue to overeat or try to make excuses for the error. I simply owned up to it and moved on. This process signals that over time, and I am expecting YEARS, I will continue to make progress.
Yesterday I had a 'thought' which I suspect may be from the HOlY SPIRIT: my extra weight will be the last thing I lose in order to protect me from thinking that I am okay once it's gone. First will come the emotional, spiritual and biological changes THEN I will see the end result. At this point, I will be changed and will be able, more easily, to walk in the daily changes, surrendering DAILY to God for his will in my eating. Eating to live and not living to eat.
Let me give you an example of another time when this process was in action. Several years ago I was forced by my extreme guilt to confess to my darling hubby that I had secretly opened a charge account (AGAIN, as I'd done in the past) and the bill was coming the next day where he would find it. It was middle of the night, dark and we were laying in bed before sleeping. He was eerily silent after my confession and I asked him, "do you want to hit me or something?" and he admitted, "Yes, I do but I won't" and he then reached over and hugged me tenderly vowing to get me the help I would need. Miraculously, when I realized that I needed outside help, the desire to spend money secretly left! Along with this deliverance I was noticing a change in my heart attitude regarding our budgeting process.
Yearly our church gave a series of sermons on money; it's spiritual applications, the mindset of the believer and money (All I have is God's and He appoints me as manager of it), etc. and I would fight tooth and nail over having to 'conform' to such a ridiculous thing as a budget. Well, as the years went by, I became less and less obstinate about it and actually began embracing the idea. When I messed up financially, I had no guilt, relished the baby steps I was making and went on. To this day, I am still 'abstinent not perfect' (another quote from the OA book)!
So it is with the food 'thing'. My name is Lisa and I am a compulsive overeater. I have been abstinent for 8 days now (I slipped up last week and ate a dessert compulsively NOT because I was hungry). For the first time, I didn't beat myself up over this slip up, I didn't continue to overeat or try to make excuses for the error. I simply owned up to it and moved on. This process signals that over time, and I am expecting YEARS, I will continue to make progress.
Yesterday I had a 'thought' which I suspect may be from the HOlY SPIRIT: my extra weight will be the last thing I lose in order to protect me from thinking that I am okay once it's gone. First will come the emotional, spiritual and biological changes THEN I will see the end result. At this point, I will be changed and will be able, more easily, to walk in the daily changes, surrendering DAILY to God for his will in my eating. Eating to live and not living to eat.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Memories................
It's interesting to sit down and 'blog'. There are no fresh thoughts to put down or funny stories to recap; unlike driving in the car on the way to a meeting I am late for or when catching a scent in the air of orange blossoms-this is when the memories or funny stories come to mind.
Getting older is definitely challenging. I was noticing that I can't cross my fingers like I use to but I can still flip the bird! I don't recall a thought from five minutes ago but I can remember the wrong that was done to me in my youth. The challenging part, for me, is to not exercise the 'limber' aspects of myself but to refrain and to begin to practice those things that have stiffened as of late, like my will, opinions, attitudes, ability to adapt and preferences. I like to think of myself as a modern woman, pretty savvy to the trends and ideas of the day but I hear myself sounding like an old woman who is at times channeling her mother.
I hope I'm around when Emily experiences these things so that she can relay them to me when I am lame-brained and sitting near the window smelling the orange blossoms experiencing lost memories, which to me may just seem like delusions...............
Getting older is definitely challenging. I was noticing that I can't cross my fingers like I use to but I can still flip the bird! I don't recall a thought from five minutes ago but I can remember the wrong that was done to me in my youth. The challenging part, for me, is to not exercise the 'limber' aspects of myself but to refrain and to begin to practice those things that have stiffened as of late, like my will, opinions, attitudes, ability to adapt and preferences. I like to think of myself as a modern woman, pretty savvy to the trends and ideas of the day but I hear myself sounding like an old woman who is at times channeling her mother.
I hope I'm around when Emily experiences these things so that she can relay them to me when I am lame-brained and sitting near the window smelling the orange blossoms experiencing lost memories, which to me may just seem like delusions...............
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