"My name is Momma Lisa and I am a compulsive eater." I imagine that this will be what I say on Saturday when I attend my first Overeater's Anonymous meeting. I have decided to attend this group because deep-down my problem is more than just 'will' power but a POWER that is over me. I need to surrender that POWER over to one who has MORE POWER, my Higher Power, Jesus Christ.
Let me back up......for years I have been overweight. When I was a kid my mom would tell me not to eat certain things, or so much or whatever. When I was older she took me to weight watchers where I gained weight..........after that, there were instances which I will share later that now, upon rememberance, point me to the realization that I have a food addiction. Well, "DUH!" you may say when you see me. But, just because a person is fat, doesn't mean there is an addiction but just a big appetite.
So here I am, ironically, burdened for a friend of mine who is an alcoholic and is on death's door because of her 'issue'. I say to myself, "why can't she just stop drinking?" "How far DOWN must she slide until she stops?".................then I look at my rash-filled body and hobble over to my computer chair with an aching back and avoid my own problem.....Well, HOW FAR D OWN MUST I SLIDE UNTIL I STOP?...........I have gotten to the point where I am ready to admit to the world that I have a deeper problem.
I can recall an incident when I was in 6th grade (approx. 12 years old) and I was left home to babysit. My mom left the house and I made some toast with grape jelly on it and LOTS of butter. Mom came back home to get something she forgot and I was pacing the floor eagerly waiting for her to leave. She found the toast hidden in my bedroom and she said, "My god, you're just like an alcoholic waiting to have a drink!"...............I never got the meaning of that then but I do now. There were many other times where I would make a 'date' to have certain foods while I watched movies by myself or times when I'd get angry if someone interrupted me when I was eating something I probably shouldn't have been eating.
You may be laughing about this now but I assure you, it is sickening, isn't it? It is funny and pathetic but for me, a real problem. So here I am, blogging about it: not for your benefit but mine. Feel free to read, laugh, pray for me or comment but know this; I am on a journey to get well and welcome you to witness it and join me!
