However long it takes to lose the weight is however long it takes!

The title of this post actually comes from the Overeaters Anonymous book of testimonies that were compiled by the founder as well as others who have been in the program since the 60's when it began. Interestingly enough, I have seen myself in many of the people whose stories I am reading. They have learned to ride the wave of their successes and failures, give their days over to God (as they understand Him) and be set free from the bondages that held them captive. I can feel the beginnings of this happening to me.

Let me give you an example of another time when this process was in action. Several years ago I was forced by my extreme guilt to confess to my darling hubby that I had secretly opened a charge account (AGAIN, as I'd done in the past) and the bill was coming the next day where he would find it. It was middle of the night, dark and we were laying in bed before sleeping. He was eerily silent after my confession and I asked him, "do you want to hit me or something?" and he admitted, "Yes, I do but I won't" and he then reached over and hugged me tenderly vowing to get me the help I would need. Miraculously, when I realized that I needed outside help, the desire to spend money secretly left! Along with this deliverance I was noticing a change in my heart attitude regarding our budgeting process.

Yearly our church gave a series of sermons on money; it's spiritual applications, the mindset of the believer and money (All I have is God's and He appoints me as manager of it), etc. and I would fight tooth and nail over having to 'conform' to such a ridiculous thing as a budget. Well, as the years went by, I became less and less obstinate about it and actually began embracing the idea. When I messed up financially, I had no guilt, relished the baby steps I was making and went on. To this day, I am still 'abstinent not perfect' (another quote from the OA book)!

So it is with the food 'thing'. My name is Lisa and I am a compulsive overeater. I have been abstinent for 8 days now (I slipped up last week and ate a dessert compulsively NOT because I was hungry). For the first time, I didn't beat myself up over this slip up, I didn't continue to overeat or try to make excuses for the error. I simply owned up to it and moved on. This process signals that over time, and I am expecting YEARS, I will continue to make progress.

Yesterday I had a 'thought' which I suspect may be from the HOlY SPIRIT: my extra weight will be the last thing I lose in order to protect me from thinking that I am okay once it's gone. First will come the emotional, spiritual and biological changes THEN I will see the end result. At this point, I will be changed and will be able, more easily, to walk in the daily changes, surrendering DAILY to God for his will in my eating. Eating to live and not living to eat.

I meant to keep you all posted on my Biggest Loser project. WELL, as you can surmise, I am not devoting as much time to it as I could, hence the silence here on the subject.

Good news: my first weigh in showed a loss of 1.8 pounds. Well, yippee. Since there is WAY more to lose, I don't even count that as a success.

Bad news: i still have not made significant permanent changes that i need to make. what to do?

I am sensing that God is pulling me aside for some seclusion and character training. I have had some issues come up in my personal/church/home life that are causing me to retreat into my turtle-like shell (you know, hard on the outside?) and concentrate on HIM.

I am feeling the pain of the potter's hands on my mushy, clay heart as He squeezes out the bubbles, bumps and imperfections so He can mold it into something beautiful. It is a pain I haven't felt in a long time....

With a much-needed 'timeout' in the 'naughty chair' I will be working on remembering to take my supplements DAILY, planning my meals so I am not caught unawares and eating something horrible for me, exercising in the pool as well as studying God's word and repenting/confessing a litany of things that are blocking my path forward.

Pray for me.

After my first day with a 'blog' of my own, I've had 4 comments! Way cool!

Not much to say today....I had a pretty good "eating" day. I had a good breakfast, drank lots of water, did some moderate exercise (bowling) and passed on lunch out with the girls. I came home, had a bologna sandwich and cleaned out the refrigerator, then, I took a nap.

For dinner, I resisted the urge to eat out and picked up something simple at the grocery store. I am no longer eating before bedtime and will add lots of water to my repertoire.

Now, to be vulnerable here, I must admit that making permanent changes will be like breaking up with a lover who is no good for me.....I love white food. White flour, white sugar, white fat....it doesn't love me. It is addicting and mood altering, turns to fat in my body and doesn't give me what I need which is lasting energy. It doesn't care about me: it never heals my sicknesses, sharpens my mind or stabilizes my moods.

Now, I have to sit and ponder what my life will be like without it-because I know I MUST say goodbye........................I will let you know how the 'breakup' goes.

The Biggest Loser!

I'm gonna be a BIG loser! I hope. I have joined a mini-group of folks who are on a quest to lose weight and get in shape. They are, of course, fine looking and young people who are in pretty good shape already. It seems that those who are already pretty healthy get healthier and those who aren't don't. Probably b/c of the character/genetic defect that causes us unhealthy folk to get this way in the first place. You know of which I speak: gluttony, laziness, fat genes, etc. So, in my quest to be a "Big Loser" I have put in my $25 and entered the 'competition' to see who can lose the biggest percentage of body weight. I realize that I am at a bit of a disadvantage b/c ten percent of my weight is greater than 10 percent of any of theirs but I am at an advantage b/c they have already dieted and exercised for 12 weeks prior and have lost their "easy weight"......

I will keep you posted...............thus far I am at a grand total weight of 331.8 lbs. I will have to get my measurements from the member who has them so I can post those as well. I shall , also, gather a 'fat' picture of myself to post so I can track my progress.

Feel free to pray for me, encourage me or mock me (but do so behind my back!).......jk